Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
