Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
