this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
