Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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