Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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