My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
