I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
