Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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