I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
