Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
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