FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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