I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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