I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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