so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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