i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
