Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
