This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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