I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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