I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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