im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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