Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
