and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
