Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
