If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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