yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
