One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
