lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
