I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
