my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
