So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
