OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
