My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I love you. Go after that dick
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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