I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
