So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
