After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
