Already got asked if we're dating
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
