so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
