Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
