and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
