His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
