Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
