Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
