i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
