He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize