bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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