I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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