Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
