Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
