yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
