And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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