Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
