You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize