i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
