Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
