Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
