How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
