roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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