Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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