i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
