They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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