Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
