addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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