Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
