You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
