i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
