When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
