I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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