I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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