the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Every concussion has its silver lining
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
