I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
