But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
