Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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