He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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