Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Randomize