It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You need Xanax blowdarts
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
